Practice makes perfect, so we are told. What we are not told is that this rule has exceptions. That shouldn't be a surprise. If you've studied grammar in any language you must have encountered so many exceptions. What I'm trying to say, relationships and marriage are such exceptions from the rule "practice make perfect".

I can't get over the face people show me when I tell them I have no girlfriend. It is as if there is something wrong when a 23 year old university student is single. I don't quite get it. Perhaps it is one of those unwritten "rules" in society. When I tried to find out why I was always met with the reaction of suspicious shock, this is one answer I got. "You look like a guy a descent guy. The fact that you don't have a girlfriend could mean you have some serious issues." What I get from this is this; every descent guy is expected to have a girlfriend. Hmm...

In the past, my understanding of relationships was, they are a gateway to marriage. That was until I was introduced to the word "dating". First I thought it was synonymous with a relationship, but then it turned out they are not the same. The more I try to understand what dating means, the more I get confused. Up to now, I still haven't grasped the concept yet. So far, these are some of the things I've learned.

You can be dating but not in a relationship. Dating is intimate, but can be casual or sexual. Even in a relationship, it can be exclusive or open. I've also heard of something called a situationship, not really a relationship, but has some similarity. Then there are rules, the dos and don'ts of dating. For example deal breakers for a first date, how long you have to wait before you call, defining the relationship etc. Do people ever observe them...I wonder.

I can't say with any certainity that the things I mentioned above are fact. However, in my pursuit for understanding, two things became apparent to me. When dating, one gets in and out or multiple relationships. And, they tend not to last long. (Rarely get to counting in years)

If most people start dating in their teens, and most get married in their late 20s or early 30s, I'm thinking the average person will have at least 5 relationships (both long and short term) before marriage. This is just my guess, I have no statistics to back it up.

As I looked around for statistics on the internet, I came across a study that talked about number of relationships and number of sexual partners. I'm not sure if the relationships are the sexual partners or they count separately. Whichever way you look at it, the average of 7 relationships and 7 sexual partners is a lot of people. Lots of practice, lots of experience. 

A couple of months ago as I talked to a friend, the question of why I had no girlfriend came up. Among my reasons (maybe with some excuses too) I mentioned that I want to have as few relationships as possible before I get to marriage. So, I won't get into a relationship that is doomed from the start, just for the sake of momentary pleasure. On the other hand, my friend suggested I find a girlfriend, and he mentioned to get experience as one of the possible benefits.

People who argue for experience (most times sexual experience) usually say, with one partner, you may not get the best out of it because you may never know what you're missing. For me I say, that's okay. You know the best camera for the job is the one you have with you. Even if you own 4 better cameras that are at home, the best is the one you have with you at the moment you need it. All the others don't matter. Similarly, the person you have, your wife, your husband, that's the only person that matters.

Not long ago I watched a sermon series titled The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating. I want to quote two of the things I took from the messages.

"Romance in a marriage is fueled by exclusivity. Not a skill set, not practice, not experience.""The PRESENT will be your PAST, which will be PRESENT in your FUTURE."

You sure don't want to get in a marriage with so much baggage.

Finally, the quote that prompted me to write this. I saw it on The Federalist. It is well put.

One reason that more experience could lead to lower marital quality is that more experience may increase one’s awareness of alternative partners. A strong sense of alternatives is believed to make it harder to maintain commitment to, and satisfaction with, what one already has. People who have had many relationships prior to their current one can compare a present partner to their prior partners in many areas—like conflict management, dating style, physical attractiveness, sexual skills, communication ability, and so on. Marriage involves leaving behind other options, which may be harder to do with a lot of experience.

The writer says "may be harder", but I want to say "will be harder". Definitely be harder. You're always going to find yourself thinking of your ex who was better at doing something. It will bring you dissatisfaction, and to your partner insecurity.

Practice makes perfect? Maybe it does... but in these things experience is not much of an asset considering all the baggage it brings along. The more relationships/partners you have, the less likely you will be successful, or at least happy in your next.

Now you read this and you're thinking, "is it too late for me?" The answer is no. It only means the road from here on will be steeper. That is a whole conversation for another day...